But what do you say to someone when they've heard you say it all?

It’s been such a long time since I’ve written. And I don’t mean blogging. I mean I haven’t written anything in ages. No short stories, and certainly not my novel. It’s a horrible thing to feel unmotivated.

The past few months have been emotionally tiring for me. Life seemed bleak, and the emotional turmoil I felt was almost unbearable.

Through no choice of my own other than stubbornness, the subject of my depression appears to have been removed from my life, even if only temporarily. I am not quite certain whether this will remain, but I can only hope it does.

I have been feeling so much better these past few weeks, and perhaps it is time to start writing again. Or maybe I should start reading what I wrote, and get rid of what appears to be beyond ridiculous, so that I may better the novel I started over a year and a half ago. By reading it, I will also get back into the feel of it, and perhaps continue to writing again.

I realize I haven’t been blogging very often, and I apologize. Originally this blog was meant for anything X-Files related, but it soon became apparent that it was meant for my more intelligent ramblings and ravings.

As of recently, I’ve nothing intelligent to rant about, but perhaps that too will change in the near future. I might spend time focusing on subjects worth studying, which would only lead to opinions I would need to voice.

Rachel Morgan

***SPOILER ALERT***
This blog post is about the Kim Harrison novels and so there will most definitely be spoilers regarding the story, right up to the last novel.
***SPOILER ALERT***

Last night Kim Harrison made me cry for the second time.

I have been reading Kim Harrison’s Rachel Morgan series since probably August or September. Right around the time I finished reading the Southern Vampire Mysteries (I ran out). And I read the books nonstop until the first week of February when I finished the last book published and had to wait two and a half weeks for the next book to hit the shelves. Is anyone surprised that I ran across the road at work to preorder Black Magic Sanction as soon as I finished reading White Witch, Black Curse?

I started reading her books when my mother picked up the first two in a compilation book. So far, there are eight books out, with the possibility for three more. Which is great. It was hard to get into the Rachel Morgan series initially. You felt like you were jumping in mid-book, and at first I wondered whether or not I was reading a second book. This wasn’t the case. Kim Harrison’s universe is just so elaborate, that I imagine the only way you can become familiar with it is by continuously being there. It wasn’t created first hand in Dead Witch Walking, but seemed to have existed long before it. I like that, even if it was hard to understand at first.

By the end of the second book, The Good, the Bad, and the Undead I was hooked. I ended up running to the aforementioned bookstore and buying a copy of each of the novels in the series. And I’ve been reading ever since. Sometimes it takes me awhile to get through a book, and other times I’ll eat it right up. Kinda like what I’m doing right now with the latest one.

I love her characters so much. I hate the ones she wants me to hate, and I love the ones she wants me to love. And I have underlying feelings of love for ones that I initially hate. She’s good at changing your views of her characters without you realizing that’s her entire plan. They are complex people with pasts, and futures, and you wonder what has happened to them in the past to make them the way they are.

Kim Harrison may have made it difficult to draw just anyone in to her universe, but perhaps this is a good thing. My mother doesn’t seem to understand my obsession with the novels – but she’s only read two books. I’m on the eighth book, and I just can’t get enough of Rachel, Trent, Jenks, Ivy - everyone!

There’s one thing Kim Harrison is capable of that most authors aren’t. And that is to make me cry. Before I started reading Kim Harrison, my favourite series was the Dark Tower by Stephen King. I loved the characters immensely, and despite the narcissism he pulled when putting himself in his own story, I loved how he ended the series. I thought his work to be a great piece of art. And it is. He never made me cry. Not once. Not even when Jake died for the second time. Sure I felt a twinge, but you didn’t see tears streaming down my cheeks. And I certainly didn’t put the book down in anger at the author for killing someone off.

But Kim Harrison’s novels are different.

She doesn’t write up a storm like King does – well, her books are always 400+ pages long, so maybe I’m wrong. But she spends more time focusing on the characters themselves than on their surroundings. And I think that’s important. I would rather know what is going on inside of Rachel’s head than know exactly what colour the paint above the door she just passed through was.

I love that she uses the first person. Being inside Rachel’s head means I can’t get inside Trent’s head, or Nick’s head, or Kisten’s head. It means I have to wonder what is going on, just like Rachel does. Although sometimes I understand things better than Rachel, usually I’m just as lost.

What is going on between Rachel and Trenton? There is the surface hatred, and anger, but underneath are tones of attraction and connection that are hard not to miss, although Rachel seems oblivious to it. If I had to choose a character for her to end up with (aside from one other) I guess it would have to be Trent. I wouldn’t want her to be with Pierce, Nick, Lee, Marshall, David, etc.

Trent may have started out as the bad guy – someone we all hated – but he ended up being just as complex as Rachel, and I started having feelings aside from hatred for the character. He had his own battles to fight, and sure he didn’t fight them fair – but let’s face it, life can’t be either black or white. There’s always shades of grey. And isn’t that what the entire series is about? Just because something is labelled taboo doesn’t always mean it is wrong. It just depends on the circumstances.

Sure Trent is a coldblooded killer, there’s no denying that. But for him, it’s to save his own race. The plight of the elves has to account for some of what he’s done, right? I’m not trying to stand up for him, I’m just trying to see the good that is in his character. There is good in there… every now and then he does something for Rachel that doesn’t benefit himself, and it makes one wonder. Does he truly care for her, but tries to deny that fact even to himself? I would like to think so.

But I have most definitely digressed. Kim Harrison has made me cry twice now.

That first time… she killed Kisten.

She killed off Kisten. And she made me cry… silently, my back turned away from the people in the room, I wept for a character I had fallen in love with from the first time she had described him. Kisten had style, he had charm, charisma, and above all, he held my heart in the palm of his hand. I’ll be the first to admit that I love blue eyed vampires with long blonde hair *cough*EricNorthman*cough* with charisma. What can I say? Anne Rice lured me in to such a stereotyped vampire with Lestat and Marius. But it wasn’t just what Kisten looked like (after all, he did have to dye his hair that beautiful blonde). It was who he was that made me love him. The ability to teach Rachel how to dress sophisticated just by rummaging through the back of her closet. Wanting her to overpower him. I liked it all, every part of him.

And then she ended his life too soon. And I wept for the loss of a beautiful creation. I put down the book for two days, and refused to read. Mind you, it wasn’t so hard… after all, I was currently on vacation and actually quite busy. But I made a note of not reading. I was angry at Harrison for killing Kisten off. To this day I don’t agree with it, even if I understand why she did it. I disagree because it really hurt. But life isn’t all about fluffy clouds, and thorn less roses, now is it? So I suppose she made the books that much more real to me.

I’m now ready for Rachel to move on to someone else even as I write fanfictions about Kisten. I don’t want her with Pierce, although I do enjoy the chemistry between the two. Yes, I’m holding out for that bad-ass elf. Maybe it has to do with the hair thing?

Either way…

She killed another character off last night. It was a long time coming, and I’m not overly surprised she did it. But I certainly was surprised at how she did it. I cried for an entire chapter… how she wrote the grieving, the horror of what had happened. She’s an amazing author to get that kind of reaction out of me.

Some moments I’m laughing, and others I’m crying, but the entire time I’m constantly on the edge of my seat. She’s a damn good read, and I suggest to everyone who reads my blogs to pick up one of her books and give her a try. She might make you cry, but you know what? It’s worth it… because she’ll also bring you some amazing moments.

I dreamt last night of Jenks and his family. I’m not too surprised.

Good job, Kim Harrison. I’ve never been more impressed by an author’s ability to move me.

What am I going to do when I finish this book?

Merry Christmas vs. Happy Holidays

You know what?
I’m happy for you, that you believe in Christ, and understand the true meaning of Christmas. That’s great.

But what really gets my goat is when one of these Christians gets all uppity about the phrase “Happy Holidays”. I can semi-understand them getting offended when people want to call the “Christmas Tree” a holiday tree. Semi, mind you. If these people knew the actual origins of a lot of their beloved Christmas rituals, perhaps they would stop doing them. And maybe that would be for the better. I could certainly think of a few things that would be better than cutting down hundreds of pine trees each winter (hmm, like let them grow and thrive and even produce oxygen).

But I digress. No matter how interesting the origins of the Christmas tree are, I’m blogging to discuss the Christian stubbornness to say “Happy Holidays” to people, instead of Merry Christmas. And I realize not all Christians do this, but there are a certain amount that do.

First and foremost, the actual religious leaders admit that Christ was not born on Christmas Day. Christmas Day was chosen because it’s in the middle of the winter and people needed something to look forward to during those cold, dark nights. And what better way to choose a religious holiday then by stealing one from the pagans? You know, winter solstice. It was celebrated by pagans long before Christmas Day became a holiday.

When I was a child, and still to this day, I watched the original Christmas Eve on Sesame Street movie. Do you remember it? Ernie and Bert exchange presents, and by so doing give away their most prized possessions. Everyone plays crack-the-whip and Oscar goes flying through not one, but two walls (oh, how I remember rewinding the tape over and over when he said, “Let’s go back and do that again!”). Big Bird learns to skate, and then goes in search of Santa, because Oscar said Santa wouldn’t be able to fit down those itty bitty chimneys. Ah, but it was such a wonderful movie.

Now, the one thing in the entire movie that actually speaks to me today takes all of two seconds. Back in the day, it was probably lost on me, but every time I see it now, I kinda feel warm and fuzzy and know that some people out there are aware that there is more than one religion and that we should respect them all.

I’m talking about Bob.

Yah, I don’t know who I’m talking about either. But Bob is a special character. As Bob was walking through the streets, he ran into Mr. Hooper. Does anyone recall who Mr. Hooper is? The man who played Hooper died in 1982, and they never did replace his character. Either way, Mr. Hooper was the corner store owner, and he was on his way over to Bert and Ernie’s (I think) to bring them Christmas gifts.

Bob and Mr. Hooper ran into each other, and as they made some small talk, Mr. Hooper said, “Merry Christmas” to Bob. It was, after all, Christmas Eve. But do you know what Bob said in return? No, he didn’t say “Merry Christmas” back, as is the generally correct response to such a saying. No, Bob respected Mr. Hooper’s own religious beliefs, and said, “Happy Hanukah” instead.

Huzzah! What’s this?! Acknowledging a religion that is not his own?! How dare he!! Well, if you look at it from the other perspective, Mr. Hooper was also acknowledging Bob’s beliefs, and respecting them. One can only hope Bob would return the favour. And he did!! This is probably my second favourite moment in the entire movie (the first being Oscar crashing through two walls and enjoying it), because it shows children that respect is a two-way street, and that we all have remember this when issuing forth holiday greetings. And to think this movie was made in 1978, long before today!

I’m not trying to say that people would be offended by the words “Merry Christmas”. I’m just saying I’d love to see more respect for the other religions. Happy Holidays is just a way to encompass all of the religious holidays that are being celebrated this time of year, and I think that’s a great idea.

Look at it this way:

If I knew you were Christian, I would say “Merry Christmas” to you. But if you knew I was not Christian but say, Jewish, would you give me the same respect, and wish me a “Happy Hanukah,”?

Hmm… food for thought.

I don’t talk about you very much. I’ve never really dwelled upon you in my blogs and journals. Every now and then you show interest in me, and I always feel it back. I’ve come to learn to not actually express the interest back, because every time I do, you seem to lose interest. It’s beyond me. It’s to the point that the last time you did show interest, I got fed up, put a firm foot down, and told myself, “No. Don’t even think about pursuing this, Kogo.”

I don’t enjoy the games you play.

I’d say you’re back to doing it again, I really would. Because it’s so obvious that you are. But I can’t lay the blame on you this time. I really can’t. Because this time… this time I started it.

My fault entirely.

I feel it though. I always do. No matter how many times I move on, and completely forget about ever being attracted to you (physically, emotionally, or any other way) I always am reminded when I open my mind’s eye again.

There’s just something about you that I can relate to, and that I feel comfortable around. I’m not scared of being rejected by you – perhaps because in your own way you’ve done it a few times, but always change your mind. I’m not certain what to make of all this, in all honesty.

When I was asked to compile a list of the things I look for in a mate, I thought about a few things and was shocked to realize you certainly fall under a lot of categories.

Just damn you. Damn you for being something I admire, no matter if you are unattainable.

But when I told you I was making a charm bag to attract a lover (as is what I am looking for), and you said, “Great. Tell me how it goes. Or maybe I’ll find out myself.”

Just…

Thanks for that.

*sigh*

What I don't understand about people who are against the sealhunt is why they throw so much effort into saving a species that is in no way endangered, when there are other species' out there that could use there help. Like, I don't know... the 400 Northern Right Whales that are left in the entire world. Seems to me like their case is more... vital, than that of the 4.7 million Harp seals.

Just a thought.

Dear True Blood makeup artists.

Please fix the following problem:







Kthxbai!

True Blood Obsession

It's funny how obsessed I've become with the show True Blood, and with the books by Charlaine Harris, not to mention the characters themselves.

I didn't think I'd get to watch the new episode last night, but I did! I was officially 3 minutes late getting to the tv, and I even left all of my stuff in the trunk of the car until after I finished watching True Blood (and getting all gooey over every Eric Northman scene). However, even if I missed those first few minutes, last night's episode blew me away. It was amazing in so many aspects. And while I'm watching Eric on television try to deny his attraction and affection for Sookie Stackhouse, in the book, I'm reading Eric explain the curse the witch put over him, "The curse contained within the witch, the curse that activated when Clancy killed her... it was that I would be close to my heart's desire without ever realizing it."

Seriously. I think Eric and Sookie should just admit they're in love, and just BE TOGETHER instead of just denying it to themselves. Grr.

Every Monday I come into work and my coworker Adèle without a doubt will come over to my desk and wish to discuss the previous night's episode. This week we were both equally happy. We both notice how much Eric is definitely interested in Sookie. Poor Eric actually did try to save her, and still she goes running to Bill, who really only just walked in. If anything, it was Jason who saved the day, what with his being human and having a paintgun and all.

So, in my excitement for this show, I decided to start creating wallpapers for the different characters. I am in no way finished yet, but I want to show off SOME of my work. :D















I saved the best for last, of course. :)


PS - it looks like the graphics won't fit the blog, so it's being cut off. Just click on them to get to the original source. :)